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Saturday, 31 December 2011

Najwa Latif

Suatu hari Najwa Latif berpindah ke sekolah baru....

Cikgu: selamat berkenalan....
Najwa: kita Berkenalan hanya dalam laman muka buku.... :)
Cikgu: sat gi cikgu hantar kau dekat guru besar baru tau...
Najwa: Kau hantar pesan dan suruh aku terima kamu ooohh uwouwouwo :P
Cikgu: cikgu sakit hati dah ni =="
Najwa: hati ku rasa sesuatu :P
Cikgu : sebelom kamu balik, datang jumpa saya kat office..
Najwa : Dan pabila kau kata kau mahu jumpa aku
Cikgu: atau kamu nak saya hantar kamu dekat guru besar? >:(
Najwa: Ku gelisah berdebar hati rasa tak menentu :)
Cikgu: cikgu rasa kamu ni dah tak betol..
Najwa: Oh oh benarkah rasa itu...
Cikgu : ingat taw.. sebelum balik nanti kamu datang office jumpa saya!!
Najwa : bagaimana harus bersua...ku rasa gementar tapi bahagia
Cikgu : memang kalau dah ade peluang nak rotan je kamu ni...
Najwa : perlukah kita cari peluang pertama..
Cikgu : saya dah agak hang ni bermasalah..
Najwa : walaupun kita tak pernah berjumpaa..... ooohh uwouwouwo\
Cikgu: otak saya dah sarat dengan macam2 masalah.. Kamu ni buat...
Najwa: Banyak persoalan yang berada di minda =P

Pelajar lain menyampuk: cikgu ni banyak tanya la...

Najwa : Banyak tanda tanya dan juga kata kerja
Cikgu disiplin : cikgu jom pegi lunch dengan saya kejap lagi
Cikgu: Argh, tak nak, nak settle kes najwa ni
Najwa : Otak kata jangan hati pula kata ya =)
Cikgu: tak menentu saya di buatnya..
Najwa : Hidup tak menentu adakah ini cinta......
Cikgu : konfius!!!
Najwa : banyak soalan banyak juga jawapannya

Pelajar lain : kalau ikut hati,cikgu kami memang nak bunuh hang ni adoiii

Najwa : kata hati dan rasa tak dibiar saja..
Cikgu Disiplin : masuk bilik saya nak jalankan operasi merotan ni...
Najwa : setiap yg berlaku ada kebaikannya,harus pejam mata dan cuba apa saja...
Cikgu Disiplin : kamu pandang muka saya..
Najwa : Pabila kau renung tajam tajam mata aku
Cikgu Disiplin : cikgu, kau rasa kita nak report kat encik latif ke..
Cikgu : aku rasa...
Najwa : Ku rasa sesuatu rasa yang ku tak tahu
Cikgu : Najwa! Ape semuanya ni?
Najwa : Oh oh ini cinta remajaku.. :P
Cikgu : cinta? Dengar baik2 kata- kata cikgu ni...
Najwa : Dan pabila kau katakan kau suka aku... ^^,
Cikgu Disiplin : sudah., Diam!!
Najwa : Ku terdiam terkedu tak tahu mana nak tuju...
Cikgu Disiplin : Cikgu! cinta apa yang dia merepek ni?
Cikgu : Oh oh itulah cinta yang satu  XD
Cikgu Disiplin , Cikgu , Najwa : Cinta di muka bukuu.... 

 Credit to super android

Si Isteri dengan 3 permintaan.

      Alkisah seorang isteri yang bergaduh dengan suaminya. Kerana marah si isteri ini lari ke dalam hutan meninggalkan suaminya. Adapun di dalam hutan tersebut maka terserempaklah dia dengan jin yang terperangkap di dalam botol. Maka berkatalah jin tersebut kepada si isteri tersebut. " Jikalau kau membebaskan aku maka aku akan tunaikan permintaanmu".

Setelah berfikir sejenak maka bertindaklah si isteri tersebut membebaskan jin yang terperangkap di dalam botol. Setelah dibebaskan jin tersebut maka bersuara si isteri kepada jin. "Sekarang kamu makhluk untuk menunaikan permintaan dariku ini". Maka berkata pula jin tersebut. "Adakah kamu sudah berumahtangga?"
"Sudah, tapi mengapa ditanya? " Balas si isteri. "Kalau begitu aku berimu dua pilihan.
Pilihan pertama kamu mendapat satu permintaan, dan
pilihan kedua kamu akan mendapat 3 permintaan tetapi suamimu akan mendapat sepuluh kali ganda dari apa yang kamu minta".

Setelah memeras otak maka si isteri memilih untuk mendapat tiga permintaan. Sekali lagi jin tersebut memberi amaran bahawa suaminya akan mendapat sepuluh kali ganda permintaannya itu. Setelah bersetuju maka berbunyilah permintaan si isteri.

Permintaan pertama : "Aku hendak menjadi wanita tercantik di dunia."
Jin berkata : "Suamimu akan menjadi lelaki yang terkacak di dunia".
Di dalam hati si isteri : "Tak apa... Sebab aku adalah wanita tercantik".

Maka tertunailah permintaan pertamanya itu.

Permintaan kedua: "Aku hendak menjadi wanita terkaya di dunia."
Jin berkata : "Suamimu akan menjadi lelaki yang terkaya di dunia dan hartanya sepuluh kali ganda darimu".
Di dalam hati si isteri : "Tak apa... Sebab hartanya, harta aku juga".

Maka tertunailah permintaan keduanya itu.

Setelah dua permintaannya ditunaikan maka timbullah rasa dendam di dalam jiwa si isteri tersebut. Maka permintaan si isteri yang terakhir adalah "Wahai jin, permintaan ketigaku adalah aku mendapat serangan jantung yang ringan".

Tanpa persoalan maka jin tersebut menunaikan permintaan tersebut.

Moral: Kaum Adam beringatlah bahawa wanita itu bijak, maka janganlah mencari pasal dengan mereka.

Perhatian kepada pembaca wanita : Ini adalah pengakhiran cerita untuk kamu. Teruslah berasa bahagia dengan cerita ini.

Kepada kaum lelaki teruskan membaca. Cerita lelaki masih belum tamat.

Suami si isteri tadi mendapat serangan jantung sepuluh kali lebih ringan dari si isteri.

Moral: Wanita taklah bijak sangat. biarkan mereka bergembira dengan cerita mereka.

P/s : Sekiranya anda wanita dan masih lagi membaca artikel ini maka terbuktilah wanita itu tidak suka mendengar cakap. Sebab itulah anda masih membaca artikel ini walaupun sudah diberitahu cerita kamu sudah berakhir.

credit to star_plateena

Monday, 21 November 2011

Love, Wealth Or Success?



A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?", they asked. "No", she replied. "He’s out."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!"  The woman went out and invited the men in."

"We do not go into a House together," they replied. "Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

Dulu Dan Sekarang (2)

Thursday, 27 October 2011

Fastest way to get 6 packs

mmg idaman laki2 la nak badan camni.. aku terjumpa cara nk dapatkan badan camni dgn cepat time googling.. sharing is caring kan.. so aku share la.. mmg berkesan aku fikir.. buat yang mls nk ke gym.. buat yang malas nak tahan lapar tp ade hati nak tough.. this is your way..

Lawak Penjenayah

Saturday, 24 September 2011

100 Things To Learn From Watching Movies


1. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
2. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home,
3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. That will finish in a sex scene.
5. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphaous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
6. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
7. If someone says, “I’ll be right back”, they won’t.
8. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: “Enter Password Now”.
9. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit. In addition, every front door can be opened from the outside without having to use a key.
10. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
13. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.
14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
15. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

16. Any bullet from a handgun has enough force to throw a full-grown man ten feet back.
17. Characters will always find a parking space right in front of the building they’re going to even in a large metropolitan city where parking is basically impossible.
18. Characters at a bar or at a restaurant table will always get the attention of a server at the exact moment they need to order.
19. When a gift/present is given, the top is wrapped separately from the rest of the box and it lifts straight off so that there is never any ripping or fumbling with wrapping paper.
20. A chase scene on foot in a city always has a shot of one of the characters running into the street, nearly being hit by a car screeching to a halt at which point the driver flails his arm out the window and yells an expletive.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Solve Find x question

 Jawapan budak sekolah menengah


Jawapan budak2 universiti. Nah amik ko lecturer!!
Konpem sem depan jumpa lagi.. Haha!!


Thursday, 15 September 2011

A World w/o Engineer

 No tv, computer, no dota..tgk pon bosan..

 Harga Minyak naik pon xpe.. ada aku kisah.. BMW ke, Audi ke.. Suma sama je.. Tp yg angkut lori tu mmg kesian..
 Xde la jambatan batu..

Different View


Women Friends chatting in office.
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three  minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

Saturday, 23 April 2011

Difference between Potentiality and Reality

Youngest Son: 'Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentially' and 'reality'?'

Dad: 'I will show you'
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: 'Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars'?
Wife: 'Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity'!

Then Dad asks his daughter, if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million dollars?
Daughter: 'Wow! Yes! He is my fantasy!'

So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: 'Would you sleep with, Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars'?
Elder Son: 'Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars! I would never hesitate!'

So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son, 'Potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but in 'Reality' we are living with 2 prostitutes and 1 gay.

Friday, 22 April 2011

Little Johnny

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Family Problem

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot
after shot.
The Indian man said to the American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to
get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't
even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a
woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot
of family problems.'

The American said, talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.

DRUNKEN JOKE

Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building.
The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!"

The second drunk says, "You're crazy!"

The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top!

The second drunk says, "Let me try!"
So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT!

The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, "You know, Superman, you can be a real Jerk When you're drunk!"

Friday, 15 April 2011

Story of The Cock

 
A farmer rears 25 young hens and 1 old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock: Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock: What do you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should retire.

Old cock: Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock: In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win, you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Husband vs Wife.


1. Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
    It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
    Wife: No darling, it means,
    With Idiot For Ever.

2. Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,
    So I'd be in your hands all day.
    Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,
    So I could have a new one everyday.

3. Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
    Wife: When must I give them to him?
    Doctor: They are for you..

Saturday, 9 April 2011

Wife And Girlfriend Comparisons

Wife is like TV
girlfriend is like MOBILE (Cell)

At home watch TV
go out bring MOBILE

No money, sell TV
Got money change MOBILE

Sometimes enjoy TV
but most of the time play with MOBILE

TV is free for life
but MOBILE if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Robot Pengesan Pembohongan

    Samad adalah seorang profesor terulung, dia berhasil mencipta robot yang boleh mengesan pembohongan, dia membuat robot itu sehinggakan ketika mendengar pembohongan, robot tersebut akan terus menampar si pembohong itu…

    Samad dengan bangganya membawa robot itu ke ruang tamu dan menunggu anak lelakinya pulang. Tapi anaknya tidak kunjung pulang. Sehingga pagi barulah anaknya pulang.

    “Kamu dari mana?” tanya Samad.
    “Ada pelajaran tambahan ayah”, jawab anaknya.
    *PLANG* Robot tersebut menampar anaknya.

    “Nak, ini adalah robot ciptaan ayah, dia akan menampar sesiapa yang berbohong! Sekarang katakan dengan jujur, kenapa kamu pulang lewat??!

Misunderstood!

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her
arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month
overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a
test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs.
Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Real Game

Play Outside

3 Lelaki Pakistan

Tiga lelaki India dan tiga lelaki Pakistan melakukan perjalanan ke pertandingan Kriket Dunia di England
dengan menggunakan keretapi. Di stesen keretapi lelaki-lelaki Pakistan telah membeli satu tiket setiap
seorang, tetapi tiga lelaki India hanya membeli 1 tiket sahaja untuk mereka bertiga.

"Macam mana kamu bertiga nak naik keretapi sedangkan kamu beli hanya satu tiket?" tanya salah seorang lelaki Pakistan. "Lihat dan belajar", kata salah seorang lelaki India.

Friday, 1 April 2011

Internet oh Internet!

    dah lame ada blog tp nk mls nk update.. biar kosong je.. sebabnye aku malas.. ade pon cukop la.. lagi satu internet tempat aku slow gampang.. hampeh tul.. censor sana.. censor sini..